


Howard the Vampire

by jjsngadget



Category: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012), Captain America, Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Gen, i saw abe lincoln vamp hunter and was all OHMYGAWD its howard, it seemed like a good idea at the time, there's a TWIST, what is this i don't know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-30
Updated: 2012-09-30
Packaged: 2017-11-15 09:02:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/525574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjsngadget/pseuds/jjsngadget
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>pretty self-explanitory. with a twist</p>
            </blockquote>





	Howard the Vampire

Having a battle won successfully—evil South American villain contained, no South American causalities, and a minimum of structural damage—was a very rare thing. This was why Tony Stark was not surprised when the clean-up went to hell.

He watched as Steve froze in mid-lift (the fountain debris being held effortlessly) and stared into the distance. A man was sweeping up the front of his bodega.  Steve cocked in head in confusion, then his expression cleared.

“Howard!” he shouted, and dropped the masonry. He gave chase, and Tony could see the man at the other end of the plaza quickly running away.

Tony ran after Steve. “Stop!” He would have flown up to Steve, who was running full tilt, but his jet pack had taken heavy damage.

Steve caught up to the man he was chasing and they both tumbled to the ground. Steve held him down with an expression both confused and elated. Tony quickly saw why.

Howard Stark lay on the ground straddled under Steve’s legs.

 

Steve stared into the eyes of his long-dead best friend and was horribly conflicted. If this was truly Howard, then something very weird was going on, probably the explanation would go over his head. If this wasn’t Howard, then someone was playing a cruel joke on both him and Tony.

“Hello, Steve, I can explain.” he spoke with that Brooklyn twang laced with British over-pronounciation. Steve remembered wondering why Howard spoke so strangely when they first met. Howard looked to where Steve had heard Tony come to a stop. “Tony?”

“Nice try, but even if dad survived the crash, and hid here all those years, he’d certainly be a lot older than you look.”

Steve grimaced. In his rush of exuberance, he’d failed to notice that Howard looked like he had the day before the Howling Commandos took Red Skull’s final base—a healthy twentyish.

“Like this?” Howard’s features morphed to the elderly man from the Stark family obituary. “Don’t be concerned. Fury will confirm my identity.” The face morphed back to the younger version.

 

“It’s him.” Fury said the moment they brought Howard into the secure facility. “Goddamit, Howard! I thought we agreed.”

Howard shrugged. “Steve saw me.”

Tony’s stomach plummeted to the soles of his boots. He’d been so prepared to blast this imposter for such daring, but now he was faced with the fact that his father was alive and Fury had known the entire time. Why was he so surprised at Fury’s dishonesty; _the man was_ the _spy_ …

“You hungry?” Fury asked Howard.

“Little bit, it’s been months.”

A minion who looked like Galaga Guy brought a cup of red liquid to the conference table. Steve sniffed and paled in his seat next to Tony.

He looked to the cap, “what?”

Steve almost gagged. “I can smell it, it’s blood--fresh.”

“Only way to have it,” Howard said before drinking it down in a few gulps.

_…His secrets have secrets_.

 

Once again, Steve had the feeling that a terrible truth was about to be revealed. Like the phase two weapons and the tesseract, there was something distasteful about to be said.

From the seat next to him, Tony giggled brokenly. “Well, at least he doesn’t sparkle.”

 “Suing her for defamation seemed like too much trouble.”Howard smiled with blood stained teeth.

“What am I missing?” If the situation wasn’t so dire, Steve would have felt annoyed that once again a dire situation was again being explained with pop-culture references.

Tony gestured. “He’s a vampire.”

“Like Bela Lugosi?” Steve remembered being horrified by the film when he first saw it on a dare from Bucky.

Fury tossed a couple packets onto the table. “More like Seth Graham-Smith.”

This name meant something to Tony, because his jaw dropped and he ripped open the folder so fast the papers flew everywhere. Steve picked up the page that landed in front of him. It was a SHIELD dossier front page, detailing biographical information.

He’d been given a folder of them when he was first integrating into modern society. Howard’s had originally said DECEASED. Now the information was slightly different. The date of birth was CIRCA 1600s. The last known address was listed as UNKNOWN. Two added lines was

SPECIES: Homo Vampiris and

KNOWN ASSOCIATE: Abraham Lincoln (potus).

A huff at his shoulder let Steve know Tony was reading the page over his shoulder.

“Okay, let’s say all this is true--which in our line of work is a real possibility.” Steve couldn’t help but agree with Tony on this. The weird happened to them on an almost daily basis.

“It is true.” Fury’s eye twitched.

Tony stood up straight. “Then where do I come from. Vampires can’t have children, cuz they’re dead.”

Howard rose and stood in front of Tony. “Donor sperm and genetic engineering. It took decades, but in the end…you were my greatest creation.”

“Who…um—who was my--” Tony’s hands flailed a bit as he sought a word, “—progenitor.”

“The greatest man I ever knew. We had vials and vials of his blood stored at the SSR, no one was doing anything with them once the war was over.”

“No. No. No. No.”

It took a second longer for Steve to catch up, but “No,” eventually he joined the chorus of No’s coming from Tony.

“Steve is not my father. I demand a blood test.”

 

Bruce looked at the holographic GUI—two strands of dna were being compared in front of him and the results scrolled across the screen. “Steve is your father Tony. See these alleles,” he gestured to highlighted sections of screen, those are paternal markers passed down from father to son. I also found traces of the serum in your blood stream, which would explain how you survived having the reactor implanted in your chest.”

“I just thought I was lucky and Yinsen was that good.”

Bruce looked at Tony with the expression of an evolutionist meeting a creationist. “Tony, half your sternum was removed and your lungs compressed to make room.”

Tony blinked. “This proves nothing.” He turned to Steve and pointed. “I am not calling you ‘dad’.”

“Please don’t.” Steve shuddered.

 

And this was how Howard Stark came to be living in Stark Tower.

 

Also, how Tony Stark finally ended up in therapy.


End file.
